This is a post I wrote for my university’s Fashion Society blog, which I run with this weirdo girl called Aggie, who totally has her own blog. The whole thing is becoming increasingly like a mashup of Vogue and Vice, but nobody’s complaining yet. Forgive the dodgy photo sizes; I formatted everything to fit to a different layout, and because I have something vaguely resembling a life I’m not going to find new ones.
Exeter Fashion Society’s very first party is coming on the 18th September, and the theme is ‘trashy fashion’. We’re excited, and to get you ready we thought we’d provide some outfit inspiration to help you look your very worst.
1. GET YOUR NAILS DID
These duck foot nails are a must for any trend-smart fashionista. They’re the height of couture and the talk of the inner circle, and remember, the more impractical the better. If you can still pick up a pen once they’re done then you didn’t go big enough.
TOP TIP: You can’t have too many rhinestones.
2. GET YOUR HAIR DID
A speciality of the early noughties, the side-fringe died in, well, the early noughties. We’re bringing it back in overwhelming force for one special night only. The best thing about this look is its versatility. Black hair? Combine it with shag bands and hello kitty hair-clips and voila, you’ve got an emo fringe. Blonde? Gather the rest of the hair into a croydon facelift, throw on a full Juicy Couture tracksuit and hoop earrings and hey presto! You’re straight out of Jezza Kyle. #chic.
TOP TIP: ghd’s aren’t industrious enough for this. Flatten that fringe with a domestic iron and secure your beautiful new styling in place with at least two cans of Elnett.
3. SICK IS CHIC
Remember heroin chic? Remember when there were more models in rehab than at Fashion Week? If you’re really committed to this look then catching an STD is the way forward. For those of us less fearless there’s always the makeup box and a strict diet of caffeine and cigarettes.
TOP TIP: There’s nothing you can’t rip.
4. TIGHTS AREN’T JUST FOR LEGS, SILLY!
With a pair of tights hugging your arms, bingo wings are a thing of the past! Those niggling varicose veins simply disappear! Just look at the elegant poise with which this model carries herself! Mary Portas, the designer name on everyone’s lips for her cutting-edge approach, has even launched a range of arm-tights at House Of Fraser. Boys, you can get in on this one too.
TOP TIP: Why not wear some flesh-tone pop socks as a pair of stylish gloves?
5. CROCS ‘N’ SOCKS
Crocs: synonymous with upper-middle-class white kids on boating holidays (they may or may not be called Rufus), and the generally un-stylish. We say that their reputation is unfair. Just because they look like melting colanders fashioned into a pair of rudimentary shoes doesn’t mean it’s okay to hate them. Dampen the sound of squeaking rubber with a pair of frilly socks and you’re ready to go. Seriously, leave the house wearing that combo and you’ll be fighting off street style photographers with your Jack Wills umbrella.
TOP TIP: YOU CAN PUT GLITTERY CH4RMS IN YOUR CROCS!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!
From Liverpool to Essex and London to Exeter, bushy brows have taken hold of the nation. The K Middy Version 2.0 is a bit tame, though. Frida Kahlo is a much more fitting role model.
TOP TIP: discard the eyebrow pencil and stock up on sharpies.
7. EXPERIMENT WITH TEXTILES
It’s plush. It’s reflective. It’s best in hot pink. It screams class. It’s velour. Juicy Couture are, of course, the go-to name for matching velour pieces, but there’s an authentic charm to charity shop finds which come in shades of faded salmon and cigarette-yellowed white which you just can’t find elsewhere.
TOP TIP: wear your hood up and combine with oversized sunnies to channel Britney at her very best. Pretend to be avoiding paparazzi and you’ll gain an immediate air of elegant mystery.
8. CHANNEL ORANGE
Clothes. Skin. Nails. Hair. Make them all orange and help reassure Frank Ocean that his fame is more than the result of fleeting Tumblr infatuation. Imagine Amy Childs’ tan then double it, rub it in carrot juice and leave it under the Grecian sun for an hour. Then you’ll make the cut. So spring/summer ’13.
TOP TIP: where fake tan proves too weak, go for Stabilo highlighters.
9. KEEP THEM GUESSING
Choosing a gender is, like, so last year. Now, we wouldn’t call this trashy, but we just love a bit of liberating gender play. Extra points if we can’t work out what’s in your pants.
TOP TIPS: Choose a genderless alias for the evening, like Rainbow Euthanasia-Smith or Chlamydia Gonzales. To me they say ‘I’m privileged, bohemian and I read radical gender theory.’
10. AND FINALLY
This is the sort of vibe we’re going for: